On the verge of tears, that’s all it seems like I’ve been feeling lately. A deluge of frustration engulfing my heart. It’s suffocating me. I breathe in but get no satisfaction. With each inhalation of every breath, my lungs fill with lifeless matter. Discouragement is beating down on me as it had done many, many times before. My arms crossed above my head as my last defense
But realizing that discouragement could care less about my appearance, I cover my chest to protect what it’s really after–my heart. The same heart that pumps life throughout my body but at the same time feels like a trench of hopelessness.
Needless to say, I have the heart of a warrior–a soldier. So even though it feels like my very essence of being is fading. I will uncross my arms from over my chest and clench my hands tight into fists and raise them up in a fighting stance. Gritting my teeth, I raise my eyes to discouragement so that out eyes are now level. Its dark, empty pupils shoot dagger toward mine, It takes all I am not to move. All I am not to try to dodge these jagged pieces of metal flying towards me. Nonetheless, I know I done enough dodging and as the knives growing nearer to me, they contort from jagged metal to crumpled paper that blows away with one breath from my lungs. A small battle won for me.
But discouragement is relentless. It cocks its eyebrows and smiles smugly, daring me not to speak. My lips feel heavy, but silence is no linger an option. I swallow the lump in my throat. My mouth opens but the words are stuck in my throat.
Something pulls at my pants leg. When I gaze down, I lock eyes with hope and an understanding passes between us. ‘Faith,’ hope sings, ‘No matter what happens, hope and I have each others back.’ After all hope and faith tend to go hand in hand. I turn around. And behind me…is an army in the lifelong battle of life itself. To my left was kindness with a hand on my shoulder. Love was to my right, dressed in armor, ready to fight. A subtle but apparent breeze of reassurance dances in the wind, causing me to shiver, shaking off all of the burdens I once held. I feel the frustration of my heart melting and being replaced with joy. A joy that uplifts my heart and gives me wings. Discouragement is still there but its façade of arrogance has faded as its eyes twinkle with uncertainty and suddenly its got someplace it’d rather be. And I feel a burning at my side. I gazed down to see the blade of courage that has been there all along.
I come to the realization that I’ve been wanting this moment so long. I draw courage from my belt and look discouragement in the eye and at last find the strength to speak, “You will leave now. I don’t want to see you in this neighborhood. If you wish, you may take a bow, and your head will be where you once stood. You can go to the deepest trench of the ocean, where you’ll never see the light. Where you’ll decompose into the sand and be devoured by beasts of the latest hour of the night. I don’t care what happens to you. You’re leaving and I won’t shed a tear. Know that when it comes to my life, you serve no purpose here.
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